Friday, December 15, 2006

Santa and War

The world being what it is, what will we tell our children?

My oldest son is three, and unsurprisingly has a sort of ravenous curiosity. He's been asking very in-depth and pointed questions about Santa lately, because of all the Santa imagery he sees everywhere we go. And thus, the other day, my wife and I found ourselves presenting a full, extensive account of the entire Santa storyline - sleigh and reindeer, residence at north pole, chimney preferences, the whole bit - for the first time in our parenting careers.

Neither of us had been preparing for this conversation with our kids (big mistake), and at some point mid-way we had to pause and give each other that look - that "can you believe we're actually pitching this stuff" look. Because, overwhelming cultural obsession with cheery mythologies notwithstanding, it is still incumbant upon us to decide what we ourselves will say to our children about Christmas.

Our children consume a thousand bits of data a minute, they do their best to organize it. They look to us for help, because they know we know everything. What will we say to them?

A few days ago, my three-year-old came up to me holding a copy of Time magazine, which I had left sitting open on a chair (another big mistake). The page he was looking at contained an Op-Ed regarding something about Iraq, and it contained a picture of a soldier holding an automatic rifle, grimacing as he turned toward the camera, away from a huge firey explosion which filled the background of the photo.

"Dad," my son said, "Is this guy a firefighter?"

I've never felt more inept at responding to a question than I felt at that moment. My son does not know what soldiers and guns are. He doesn't know that people set themselves toward destroying other people. He doesn't know that some three-year-olds get their dads and moms blown up.

I told him Yes, the guy was a firefighter. I don't know what I should have said.

We are faced with the great responsibility of choosing what to say to our children. Which untruths will we tell for their betterment, to help them celebrate a sense of mystery, magic and possibility in life? Which untruths will be for their protection, that they will learn about brutality only gradually, as they're "ready"? And which things that we say will be only and always lies?

We're not only giving our children a world ravaged by war, impoverishment and environmental catastrophe, we're giving them tips on how to think about it all. Oh God, please help us know what to say.

1 Comments:

At 10:08 AM, Blogger Becky said...

Rob, as I read your post, I recalled the day that my oldest son learned that it was his dad and I, not the Leprachauns, who make all sorts of mischeif around the house and turn the milk green on St. Patrick's Day. The whole pile of lies added up as he started asking about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and somewhat tearfully, Santa Claus. We talked about tradition, story and the joy that people get when they can give without having to be recognized. He continues to join us as we sell the same pile of lies to his younger brother. (Not to mention, he collects in the booty, as well)

I wonder is what stories are we expected to spin for our childre to explain the senseless devestation of life, destruction of the planet, and the reality that they will inherit the cost of war? There's no hidden joy. I pray that this stops before it becomes a "tradition," though those making money from this tragedy may not agree.

The painful images of war are not stories, but fact. I can't find words to explain it to my children because I don't understand it myself.

 

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